Thursday, September 25, 2014

Training Day


Antoine Fuqua's masterpiece

It is Jake Hoyt's (Ethan Hawke) first day, training to be an officer in the L.A.P.D.'s narcotics division. He meets his trainer Detective Alonso Harris (Denzel Washington), and starts (what he assumes) is going to be a basic day of show and tell. Little does officer Hoyt know, there is more to this side of the law than meets the eye. As the day goes on Hoyt sees exactly how deep and corrupt the narcotics division of the police department can be, unfortunately he has a family to take care of. So the question Hoyt has to ask himself is if the corruption is worth his job.

Since the director and star of this movie are also the director and star of the newest movie Equalizer coming out this week, I thought this movie was perfect for review. Antoine Fuqua has a large body of memorable action movies I could have drawn from, but none quite as memorable as this movie. The story line is great. It shows a rookie cop getting into a job where he thinks he is going to help L.A., instead seeing corruption at its finest. In the span of one day we see Alonzo perform such crimes as police brutality, armed robbery, and straight up murder. The backstory of why he is doing all this is cliche, but the great thing about this movie is that it came during a time when movies like this didn't come out every year. Not to say that any film out there could copy the magic that was this movie. Unfortunately as great as it is I still can't say much about the story without giving away spoilers (yes, I realize this movie is thirteen years old), so I'll have to stop this part of the review. Just know that if you actually haven't seen this movie, fix that.

One of the best parts here was the direction. When Antoine takes you through a neighborhood, he really captures the essence of what "the hood" is like, from the perspective of an outsider. Speaking as someone that has been broke and forced to live in neighborhoods like this, I can say that. When you walk up to someones house it does feel like every eye is on you, and people will talk massive amounts of shit too you because you are on (or even close) to their property. Aside from the feeling the work produced, you can tell Antoine knew his way around a camera. A seemingly insignificant scene where Alonso picks up his cigarettes, but the camera work makes it look like he is going for his gun may seem easy; but, it creates more tension in that one moment than most directors create in an entire film. I wish Alonso was in charge of more films like this, cop dramas seem to be where the man shines the brightest. Not that I didn't like his other films, but he just never reproduced a masterpiece quite like this.

The only thing that matched the masterful work of the direction were the outstanding performances. It is hard to say this (when you have as big of career as Denzel Washington has), but this was probably the crowning jewel of Denzel Washington's career. He just owns the role, and steals every scene that he is in. Even during the scenes where it seems like nothing is going on he can still prove to be menacing or engaging. Whenever he is on the screen there are no slow scenes, every word, every motion means something in the end. Not to say that the rest of the cast did poorly, it is just that none of them could get anywhere close to Denzel Washington's level. Ethan Hawke did great, you could really believe his plight as a rookie cop who is in over his head. Scott Glenn, Cliff Curtis, Dr. Dre, Macy Gray, Nick Chinlund, and Noel Gugliemi (a.k.a. the other guy playing a Mexican in everything) gave all they had to their performances and produced work that lives on to this day.

This movie ages well in most places. We all know that if this movie was redone today it would be pretty weird that no one had a camera phone to take pictures of the messed up stuff that they see this cop doing. Since this movie was done at a time where camera phones were rare, it is understandable. It isn't distracting to people that lived through this time frame, but if you ever want to watch this movie with people from a younger generation I predict you are going to hear a lot of "what kind of phone is that flipping thing?" or "why doesn't that phone have a screen?" The age of this movie is hardly distracting even with the few scenes where we see dated technology. The cars in it are still seen in the neighborhoods this movie is portraying, People probably still read newspapers at diners. I think the director went to great lengths to make sure this movie could remain timeless, and it does.

In the end, you need to see this movie. Introduce it to your kids when they come of age to understand the material (and you won't be getting calls from the school office). Denzel's performance will make you glad you did, the brilliant direction will make it a smart purchase, and the storyline will stay with you. I know that most you know the phrase this movie coined "King Kong ain't got shit on me!" so why not actually watch the movie where it originated from?

Like this? Check out my next Throwback Thursday review where I start the month of October off by reviewing Jason X. Enjoy the movies.


Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Jersey Girl

Smith's Supposed Stumble

Our story begins with Ollie (Ben Affleck) and Gerttrude (Jennifer Lopez) a young newly married couple expecting a baby. The couple is struggling like any pair would, except that these people are New York heavy weights used to the finer style of life. When it is time for the baby to be born Gertrude dies giving birth to their girl, and leaves Ollie a single father with no clue how to handle this new addition to his life alone. The weight finally becomes too much and he loses everything he knows, forcing him to move back in with his father "Pop" (George Carlin A.K.A. The funniest man alive....FACT).  Ollie becomes accustomed to his new life back in Jersey, devoting his entirety to his daughter; but, still yearning for the life he once had. Will Ollie be able to ever let go and live in the moment?

I imagine you all must be asking yourself a couple of things right now. Why review this Kevin Smith movie to prepare for his new film "Tusk?" Are you some sort of masochist? Well, no. I realize that this is one of two Kevin Smith movies highly hated by both critics and viewers; but, I thought it was time to take a re-look at the old girl. Plus, the mental scars from 'Red State" aren't fully healed and I'm saving my reviews on "Askewniverse" titles (since it seems like Smith is retreating back to the only thing he was ever praised for). I realize "Red State" is probably a closer movie to "Tusk" in style, but I promise you I'm not a masochist. 

The story here is part good idea, part slap in the face. The good idea was looking through the eyes of a single father with a little girl who has a high paying job with a large work load. The slap in the face was to Kevin Smith fans that were expecting something other than a predictable, mundane time. I'm being a bit cruel, the writing of the first two acts was genuinely good. The jokes were dated, but subtle (like we have come to expect from Smith). The plot direction was a little misleading at times. All genuinely good.... if only it wasn't for that third act. Yes, the end of this film will remind you of every single bad romantic comedy you have ever seen; but the ride there was actually (dare I say) enjoyable. I'm not trying to defend Smith's work here (lord knows he has to do that enough himself these days), I am simply stating that after a couple of years of god awful movies "Jersey Girl" was kind of enjoyable. A couple of the scenes like when (SPOILER WARNING for a 10 year old movie) Will Smith shows up at the end, are clever. Most of the jokes are funny in a painfully nostalgic kind of way. I don't know what to say other than it may not be his best work, but at least it was serviceable. 

The direction on the other hand, is exactly what you would expect from Kevin Smith. Sloppy. He may be an exquisite writer, but the man is (self admittedly) bad at directing. There is a scene that looks like he was stealing transition sequences from bad nineties sitcoms. The gripping moments don't really have the kind of build up they should. The awkward moments take too long and become hard to watch instead of just being awkward. It is a real mess in here; but, I can't blame Smith.... oh wait yes I can. It is totally Smith's fault, but also kind of the studio's. Look, the man can't seem to grasp direction sometimes, and that is fine (he still is a brilliant writer) just don't expect me to pay to see the movie. Sometimes that lack of directing skill is charming like in the "Clerks" movies, or "Dogma." Sometimes it is noticeable like whenever he tries to step away from writing Askewniverse movies. 

So the acting here was actually pretty awesome, but since Kevin has worked with most of these guys they can read his intentions. That isn't a bad thing, it makes the experience more enjoyable. The only thing negative I really have to say is that Ben Affleck can't seem to have chemistry with anyone. He was the romantic interest of Liv Tyler in "Armageddon," and didn't seem to learn anything from their time together. I don't know where his relationship with Jennifer Lopez was at the time of this movie (that's right kids ask your parents about Bennifer), but it didn't help in either case. His acting every where else was great, the man has gotten awards for his acting so it is no surprise. Liv Tyler is still the stick in the mud she always is, but that just seems to be her thing. She can't act, but damn can she stick in that mud. Geroge Carlin was actually pretty damn good in a dramatic piece. There is a scene at the end of the movie where he conveys real emotion, and it is kind of touching. Aside from that he was cast as an old, grouchy man; kind of hard to screw that up.

This movie is very dated. The topical references make it something that you will have to explain to later generations (and I know that was part of the gimmick). Old topical references are funny at times but these are subtle, so even people of the time have to look for the joke. Keven Smith is a man of many talents. He appeals to nerds in such a way that it touches me, he is a great writer, his podcasts are funny. I still look forward to "Tusk"....even after "Red State." Let's just all sit here and enjoy the time Kevin Smith was mediocre so we can better appreciate the times he was great.




Like this? Check out my next throwback where I prepare for the new Antoine Fuqua movie by looking back at (arguably) his most notable work. "Training Day." 

Sunday, September 14, 2014

*READER REQUEST* Batman: The Dark Knight Returns Part 1 and 2, Batman: Under the Red Hood

Batman is Nucking Futs

A brief synopsis here will suffice for both Part 1 and 2 of the Dark Knight Returns.

Our story begins with Bruce Wayne (Peter Weller) ten years into his retirement as the caped crusader, and doing whatever he can to feel alive or forget the life ever happened. We find him racing in Formula 1, drinking, and walking down deserted alley ways in the hopes that someone might give him a reason to revert. While in his retirement a new group of thugs called The Mutants have declared themselves the rightful law of Gotham City and form into quite the impressive army to boot. Eventually, Bruce can not stand it anymore and once again takes to the streets as Batman. While on a bender of vigilantism he saves two young girls from members of The Mutants' gang, and one of them, Carrie Kelly takes it upon herself to buy a Robin costume and put her own crime fighting skills to the test. It is up to Batman and the new Robin to stop The Mutants and anyone else from Batman's rogues gallery that happens to come up.

So this story is a work of pure unadulterated mastery in the Batman universe. I'm not saying that because I am a Frank Miller fanboy or anything (in fact quite the opposite in a few cases), I just give credit where it is do. The futuristic setting of an 80's theme noir piece is clever. The induction of new words (slang really) in the American language kind of hits the societal nail on the head if you think about it. The roles of primarily male oriented positions being filled by females is a bold and correct move. There are moments where you feel that Batman actually is crazed and wonder if he really should be retired. The news feed and writing tries to paint the Batman followers as the all knowing good guys and the Batman nay-sayers as bad; but, I still have to wonder if the nay-sayers are right in some fashion. That is really the heart of this material, it can bring back the endless debates friends have on their couch about things of this nature. What if Batman was a real person, crime was as bad as it is in Gotham, whose side would you be on? I personally feel that Batman does actually create most of his villains (sometimes literally), but he does too much good work for it to really matter. You may disagree and that is the great thing about a comic/movie of this nature. It brings us back to when we first saw "The Boondock Saints" and the end of it was filled with testimonials from average people on either side of the fence. 

One of my other favorite parts of this movie (and the comic book) is that it gives us one of the first Robin's with a little more depth than "my parents died too." Don't get me wrong I love Dick Grayson, he is still the best Robin; but, he was the start of the generic train of Robins to come. The Robin in this movie had no real tragic backstory, but might have been a little more relate-able then any other Robin. She basically just picked up a costume after seeing Batman do what he does, and wanted to fight crime. It is heavily implied that she comes from a neglectful household of people that like to sit around and talk as opposed to do (no matter what rallies they marched in when they were younger). A great amount of kids can relate to this on a personal level, and ultimately the character registers on a bigger level. I think I said once that Damien Wayne was my number two Robin pick; but Carry Kelly has always been neck and neck with him. 

Some parts of this movie that really stood out to me were the music and art style. The music put you in just the right mood for whatever you were watching. Batman fighting a bunch of thugs? Throw on some techno/80s/orchestral style music and things of that nature. It does exactly what music in movies is supposed to do, enhance the experience. I can't necessarily tell what kind of art style they were going for, but it really popped off the screen. It was a very retro mixed with what we once thought the future was going to become. A perfect blend of old and new. It is almost reminiscent of a comic book in some areas to the point where you can practically see the largely displayed panels during the action scenes. 

Final Verdict: 5 out of 5 This movie is definitely a book mark on DC's already impressive animated career. I suggest you see it as soon as you can (if you haven't already), because you are missing out on some of the best story telling in Batman's history. 

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Superman sucks and here is the proof


Above, we talk about the Art/Music, as well as Robin and the storyline for that movie. Everything except the storyline can carry over to this movie review; but to talk about this movie's storyline in it's entirety I do have to say one little thing.

*SPOILER WARNING*

Yes, yes, there is way to much in this movie for me to get my teeth into, so I will have to talk about it. The first thing I have to talk about in the realm of storyline is this version of The Joker. This version of the Joker acts like he was taken straight out of a Grand Theft Auto video game. When he is going down the tunnel of love and basically treating people like those ducks you shoot with B.B. guns at the carnival games (except here the B.B.s are bullets and the ducks are people) you get an unnatural knot in your stomach. I like to think of it from the perspective of those people. You go out on a date (maybe even your first date) with someone then all of a sudden some kill crazy maniac comes across you and ends your life for being near him. Maybe it is because The Joker's rampage was ten years in the making, maybe it is because the writer didn't want us to automatically turn on Batman when he killed The Joker; whatever the case, it is brutality at it's finest when he finally gets back into the game. This version of The Joker may not be the manically laughing villain, strapping Robin to a set of train tracks, while evilly twisting his mustache that we had grown accustomed to in the days before; but, he is dark and fits perfectly with the theme of the film. 

Now let's talk about our boy in blue. The one, the only Superman. Superman steps in at the beginning of the film as a lackey of the United States Government, (seemingly) only answering to the President. This is an interesting take on the Man of Steel and probably the closest thing I could have predicted for Superman's future. He is still a begrudgingly boring character, and what's worse he seems to like raising even more questions about his physiology. The reason I say that is because there is a point in the movie where Superman is caught in a nuclear explosion trying to save the U.S. from impending doom. After he drops to the ground he is basically a skeleton, and drains sunflowers to get his power back. Is there anything he can't do? I feel like the writer was saying to himself "We wouldn't want Superman to appear too weak, let's give him the ability to soak the sun's energy from Sunflowers and other plants." Like he is some sort of fucking grim reaper to the flora of the world.  Superman may be the least interesting part of this, and the fight at the end may have just been complete fan service; but, luckily it didn't drag the story down as far as one might thing. It drug it down for sure, but it wasn't detrimental to the integrity of the film.

Since I put a disclaimer up about spoilers, let's go ahead and talk about the ending of this movie. At the end, we find that Batman faked his death to keep Superman in the dark about his activities. He is now finally accepting that he is too old and builds himself an army. The army is to be taught by the man himself so now the world will have many Batman's to come. I don't mind the ending, I guess if Bruce were to end up retiring this is the only way he would stay off the street; but, it just seems a little narcissistic. I'm fully accustomed to Batman being narcissistic so it doesn't bother me, but it does kind of stand out here. 

Two more topics before I wrap this little review up and the first one is death.... or more importantly murder. There are two guaranteed kills in this movie, One is The Joker killed by Batman, and the other is Toyman (I'm assuming) killed by Robin. The main thing that jumps out at me is that it doesn't seem to have any legitimate, long-lasting mental damage. I'm not going to go on a Batman-purist rant like "Batman should never be allowed to kill," but I would have at least expected some remorse. If not from Batman at least from the little ginger girl covered in another man's blood. Some sort of trauma or remorse. Nope. Batman seems effected more by the Joker's presence then his death. Like when he tells his corpse to stop laughing, it doesn't seem to convey remorse just annoyance from the years of back and forth they went through.

The final thing I am going to talk about are the voices (now that I can just lump the cast of both movies into one review). The first person we need to give some praise to is the man voicing the big guy, Peter Weller. Who would have thought that the guy who played "Robocop" could have put that much darkness into his voice. Sure he is no Kevin Conroy, but we are looking for an old Batman, and even though Kevin was the old Batman in "Batman Beyond" I can understand the choice. Ultimately, the choice turned out to be perfect. Ariel Winter was great as Carrie Kelly, giving the perfect amount of young upstart in her voice with a little bit of cockiness. Gary Anthony Williams really cranked it up to eleven while playing the mutant leader, giving his entirety to the character. Wade Williams as Harvey Dent ended up being a little too forgettable for such a memorable character, and ultimately put a black mark on a damn near perfect casting record by Andrea Romano. Micheal Emerson as Joker was a little more docile, but that was just what the doctor ordered for an older more maniacal Clown Prince of Crime. It seems like they always pick the most flaccid sounding people to voice Superman, but it always works out since Superman is such a flaccid character. Everyone else did great, those are just the only people I really wanted to touch on.

Final Verdict: 4 out of 5 A soft final act was really the only thing holding this movie back from perfection. I love seeing a Batman/Superman fight as much as the next guy, but the lead up was a nightmare. 
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  The Best of the Worst

We start with Batman (Bruce Greenwood) racing to save the newest incarnation of Robin, Jason Todd (Jensen Ackles) from certain doom at the hands of the Joker (John DiMaggio). He arrives too late to save his partner and Jason ends up dead. Fast forward some years and we arrive at Batman working alone with the first Robin dawning the tights of Nightwing. A new crime boss has taken Gotham in an awkward direction, seemingly bringing order to the crime underworld, and giving Batman a major migraine by being able to predict his every move. Can you guess who the mysterious Red Hood is? Spoiler, it's Jason. Basically evident from the first scene of the movie. 

Wow, this is awkward. The first time I have to premise my review with a comic book history lesson; but, the more you know about this particular story the better it makes the experience. So, when DC first introduced the new boy wonder Jason Todd in the comic books, fans of the series absolutely hated him. So much so that DC started a poll. They included a number at the end of an issue of Batman that fans could call to vote on whether Jason Todd should live or die. The result ended up in a land slide victory for Jason Todd's death (yeah, comic book readers either really didn't like this guy or just wanted to see it). So DC killed him and followed up his death with a statement basically saying that if they ever brought Jason Todd back it would be the worst thing DC comics has done. Ever. If my math is correct on this TWENTY YEARS LATER they introduce this new villain calling himself the Red Hood. A couple of issues in we find out it is Jason Todd and fans are pissed. To put this in perspective there used to be a saying in comic books: There are only three people that stay dead in comic books Gwen Stacy, Uncle Ben, and Jason Todd. Obviously after this happened that had to be reworked. How did Jason make it back? Strap yourselves in folks things are about to get really weird? Everyone here is familiar with Superboy, right? Well it turns out in an issue of a comic book featuring the Boy of Steel, Superboy punched time so hard that he shattered reality, a good amount of things changed, low and behold one of those things happened to be Jason's death. There we are guys, your comic book history lesson for the day. Now on with the festivities. 

So the story here is actually really good if you take out the fact that this was based off of one of the largest disservices to fans in comic book history. You have to realize that Batman was going with almost the exact opposite to Dick Grayson in every way when he picked Jason as the successor. Jason was kind of a dick, and I feel that Batman blaming himself for not only Jason's death; but, his life as well adds so much more weight to a storyline like this. It isn't only the storyline that drives the core experience in this feature. The dialogue is brilliant for Jason and The Joker. Jason goes on this tirade while trying to convince Batman of why Joker deserves to die, and it is quite possibly the most insult filled and convincing argument I have heard from a character. Everything else is good too, the dialogue just stands out. Batman being reminded of his two greatest failures in the same day, good. Nightwing, good. Blackmask being background noise, good. Right where he should be. The ultimate victory here is in the storyline, and that victory is just driven better by some amazing dialogue. Plus, the Ra's Al Ghul storyline replacing the Superboy time punching storyline is somehow a whole lot more believable. 

Let's talk about the animation. Since I am not an artist this is going to be short. I can really appreciate this being the only animated movie I have seen where they show Batman's armor-mesh under his costume. It adds a layer to this movie, like they where actually concerned about realism in a Batman cartoon for once. Everything else seemed pretty cut and dry. Besides the Subzero clan trying to kill the Red Hood with weapons from "Tron," that was weird. 

Finally, the acting. You know I harp on movies a lot for not having the original voices of Mark Hamill and Kevin Conroy as their respective counterparts. Mainly, it is because no one ever quite gets the dark, brooding, commanding voice Kevin Conroy brings to the character. Some even sound like they're gargling gravel while trying to do the Batman voice. Kevin Conroy just owned it and no one is ever quite going to replace him in my mind. Same with Mark as the Joker, but my reasoning for him is a bit more....picky. No one, and I mean no one, has ever mastered Joker's laugh like Mark did. It was the kind of laugh that would send a chill down your spine at just the right moment. The build was always my favorite part to it. Where he starts off low and ends up laughing more manically then anyone you have ever heard. I digress. The voices here are okay, but the stand out voice doesn't necessarily come from Batman or Joker. Sure John DiMaggio and Bruce Greenwood did what they could; but they were ultimately forgettable. The real talent here came from Jensen Ackles (I would say Neil Patrick Harris too, but he was only in the movie for about ten minutes). Jensen took this role and really ran with it, giving life behind the amazing words coming from Red Hood.  It was an impressive sound and ultimately made me forget about the short comings of the rest of the cast. 

Final Verdict: 5 out of 5 There are a few pitfalls in this movie, but nothing that really drags the movie down far enough to notice. Highly recommended that you check this out, if for nothing else I suggest it for the Batman 101.




Thursday, August 14, 2014

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)


Since the newest incarnation of this series was god awful, I decided to go back to a simpler time. The first attempt at bringing this series to the big screen with "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" from 1990. The synopsis of this movie is simple enough. Four turtles are covered in radioactive waste and become humanoid, then are taught ninjutsu by a rat who adopts them. A reporter named April O Neil (Judith Hoag) is attacked by a gang of ninja thugs called the foot clan, then is brought to the sewers by the turtles to recover. The foot clan is comprised of a bunch of runaway youths commanded by a powerful ninjustsu master The Shredder (James Saito man in the suit, David McCharen the voice). The turtles are forced into combat when Shredder goes on the offensive and takes their master.

Call me a bit too nostalgic but I love this movie. It still holds up today regardless of that overwhelming 1990 feel of the film. It obviously wasn't a perfect movie, but that is the great part of this series it doesn't have to be perfect for people to like it and for it to hit home with all generations. The story line is simple but effective, the action was well choreographed, the suits (while being obviously suits) were well designed by Jim Henson, the jokes were funny without having to go too far in either direction, and the acting was actually good. Everything the new movie basically isn't. Yes, this movie had it's share of flaws. It is time-stamped with hairstyles and fashions that will not register with some of today's kids or make adults feel a cringe of embarrassment, the story with the young kid running away from his father felt out of place, and the moments of slap stick seemed like cheap ploys. Despite all of that I still love it because (much like another recent movie) you are having too much fun with the film to notice until much later. Plus, Casey Jones is still my favorite character from this series.

The story line here is the basic set up of four weird, powerful teenagers are forced into combat by a much older, more powerful man in order to save their father/master. It is disposable, but simple enough (for it's time) to register with audiences and not make us hate it. This is a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, I am not looking for new and thought provoking, I am looking for something basic that makes sense (looking at you new movie). Since my biggest problem with the new movie was the story line that copied more popular movies, and bored us to tears, while still not making a whole lot of sense this one wins out. I like the back story of the turtles being something basic that I could get behind. I like the relationship with April O' Neil not being some cross species turn on. I like that they got the personalities right and even though Raphael took most of the screen time, the other turtles still didn't feel like set pieces. This story just worked, it didn't do anything new but it definitely didn't do anything wrong.


The fight scenes in this were impressive for people wearing (what seems like) heavy suits. You can see that the people in them might actually know a thing or two about martial arts. The final battle scene had just the right amount of drama, combined with good "final battle music" for me to call it a classic among final battle scenes. You get (or have already been) emotionally invested enough in the characters to really root for them and hope everything works out.

The acting in this may have an air of cheesy camp, but it was still good enough. There wasn't any over acting to make our eyes roll, there wasn't deliberately bad acting to make this too campy. It was just fair enough. We haven't really heard from any of the actors since this movie was released but I think that is a shame (except a very young Sam Rockwell, he's definitely still around). Judith Hoag was just the right amount of April O Neil, Elias Koateas is just the right amount of Casey Jones, everyone just seems to fit.

The biggest thing you have to remember when watching this movie is that it was made in 1990. The music is going to be old (but good), the hairstyles/fashions are going to be wacky (still bad), the production quality is going to look a little more shitty, and there is no CGI (which helps it escape it's time bubble a bit). With all of this in mind you are still going to have fun introducing a movie like this to your kids, and re-watching it yourself. It will wash the bad taste of this past weekend's disaster out of your mind and help you brace for the sequel.

Final Verdict: 4 out of 5 The best this series has given us, and still fun to watch. The time stamp on this movie doesn't stop it from being good, and it reminds us that we could have seen a good movie from the people in charge of the new movie (ya know, if the people in charge were different). 

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Howard the Duck (1986)


An advertising consultant named Howard (Chip Zien is the voice, Ed Gale is the man in the suit) is pulled from his home planet of Duckworld, a world inhabited by aliens that evolved from ducks instead of apes. While trying to get his bearings he meets a young woman in trouble and rescues her from being attacked by thugs. The woman's name is Beverly (Lea Thompson), who is stuck in a struggling all female band called the Cherry Bombs. She tries to help the alien find his way back home by calling her friend Phil (Tim Robbins...yeah he was in this) who invited his colleague Dr. Jenning (Jeffrey Jones) to explain the situation and rectify it. As they attempt to make second contact with the fowl planet (yeah, a bird pun is something you will see a lot of in this) they invite another alien in. Something far worse than they could have imagined. It is up to Howard to save this new world from certain destruction, while still trying to get back home.

Yeah, this movie is known for being horrible, but due to a new movie that came out I thought this review fit for the day. I know a lot of people would argue that a movie like this would fit well in the "So bad, it is good" crowd; but, since I am a member of that crowd I can't agree. This movie is just straight up bad. I never thought I would see so many bird/duck named things in my life. When they replace boy/girl/man/woman with duck it makes since and turns out to be cute, like when he is reading an issue of "Playduck" for instance. When they just add duck to random things it is irritating, like why is his planet called "Duckworld?" Did the scientists on that planet lack creativity? That isn't the really baffling thing here though. The really weird thing is that this movie got away with a PG rating. By today's standards if you show a naked duck in a bathroom with what are supposed to be humanoid breasts they would slap at least a PG13 on you. I guess it was a different time or whatever, but still their are some very raunchy bits in this movie. The story line here is basically a working class version of "ET," with a little bit of accidental hero thrown in. Nothing special, had a possibility to be great but squandered it on.... well everything in this movie.

This movie has (very obviously) not aged well. There are some movies you can look past that with like "Jurassic Park" or "Back to the Future," but since this movie was bad to begin with it is hard to take it seriously. If you were born in my generation or later you would wonder if this was a straight to home video release (or what the people of my era and earlier called a "V" "H" "S"). Nope this movie had a full theatrical release and, allegedly had some sort of budget (supposedly 35 million was put towards this garbage). When released this movie was considered to be the largest black mark on George Lucas' career. The director, Willard Huyck hasn't found work since this movie saw the light of day. It is almost like they didn't watch this movie before they released it, and just thought that the comic book name attached would drive all the sales....weird.

The real tragedy here was the acting... I mean the middle school rendition of what acting would probably look like when the students grew up one day. Does anyone remember Lea Thompson? She was big back in the mid 80's early 90's, and her most notable work was the "Back to the Future" franchise. I find it interesting to think about what would have possessed her to do something like this. She had a bright career ahead of her (like Molly Ringwald), and in between major blockbusters she does things like this, "Dennis the Menace," and "The Beverly Hillbillies" movie. Just like in this movie, she should fire her agent. After that I saw Tim Robbins was in this hell as well. I guess he and Jeffrey Jones were the only people attached to this to get out with a career. Which is a surprise given their performances. In case anyone was wondering Jeffrey Jones was the principal in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," he had some more appearances in big movies but kind of faded away.

The real thing that killed this movie for me wasn't that it was based off an interesting/kind of funny comic book, it was the eighties. The eighties smeared it's residue all over this movie, making it not only bad for it's time but bad for all times to follow. I know this is the same "not aging well" argument, but I just can't stand a movie where every single bad decision of that decade is captured in film. The music was trying to be "The Runaways" but failed, horribly and was still the center piece of the film (besides the duck). The hairstyles, the fashion, the technology. I can take a movie with bad graphics being allowed to see the light of day, they worked with what they had; but, this movie is a big time stamp from the eighties. The movie the eighties wished never happened, but it did.

Final Verdict: 1 out of 5 There was nothing really serviceable in this movie, I couldn't laugh at the movie for being so horrible, I couldn't enjoy the movie for being good. This was just bad, but if you want to see what happened to some people's careers or George Lucas' biggest embarrassment, go ahead and check it out.



*Spoiler warning: for a movie that is currently playing*
Well I guess it isn't hard to realize what this spoiler warning is for. "Guardians of the Galaxy" had a gag at the end of the movie this time, instead of keeping us on the line for future projects. Instead of showing more Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch, or giving some blueprints to Ultron they showed a CGI Howard the Duck talking to The Collector. This was a gag by Marvel, and I am almost positive they have no plans to release another movie of Howard the Duck (probably since there are still people alive that remember this garbage). I thought that you all should see Hollywood's first attempt at doing the character, and I thought this was the most relevant old movie to review. There is your reasoning as to why I reviewed "Howard the Duck."



Thursday, July 31, 2014

Reader Request: Garden State (2004)

A troubled, struggling actor named Andrew Largeman (Zach Braff) returns home to bury his mother. His psychiatrist father has called him home to work things out, and Andrew uses this opportunity to go against his father's diagnosis so he can quit using his drugs. While off the drugs he catches up with old friends and meets an odd, pathological liar named Sam (Natalie Portman). The two get to know each other while Andrew struggles to look at life without the shade of drug use over his eyes.

This movie is difficult for me to describe in so many words. I did the best I could with the synopsis, but talking to people about this movie over the years makes me believe that it reaches people on several different levels. Some people believe Zach Braff has correctly described the types of lives children born in the years of the prescription drug use boom go through, some believe he was just looking for an excuse to kiss Natalie Portman, and some believe he described their own lives perfectly. What ever you think of this movie it is safe to say that it was definitely a good movie. The story line here is a real winner, but looking back it is hard to say "this story line is a real winner" without putting the bulk of the credit on the characterization. I loved the pathological liar most of all, she had an interesting life surrounded by dead animals and I can't discern whether she lied so much to impress people, for attention, or just for fun. The best part about it is neither can she. Zach Braff made himself to be a pretty brilliant character as well, and not because of the guilt hovering over his character's life. I liked his whole dynamic. The father keeping him heavily medicated, the friends that seem to have his best interest at heart sometimes, then other times seem completely self involved. The parents seem as down to earth as I have seen from a movie, and I mean down to earth by realism not by likability. If I were to read the script of this without ever watching the movie I could swear I was reading the memoirs of a Gen X or Gen Y, middle to upper middle class American. The movie works in a lot of ways, but the characterization has to be one of the best.

When you look at the way this was shot, the dialogue that was used, the music that was played, and the sequence of things going on it is hard to escape the title of "Indie Film." Not that the title is a slight by any means, but it just has the over bearing air surrounding it that "this was my first film, and I needed to make it artistic as hell." I love it when movies try to become more like art and less like a plea for more box office sales, and regardless of if this film pulled off what other Indies could not, I respect Zach Braff's first attempt. The dialogue in this was quotable and will most likely live on in fan's hearts for another ten years. The music played directly to me and re-watching it reminded me to download the soundtrack as soon as possible. There is some of this that cannot be ignored; but, still other parts that need a bit of work. One thing is that I love symbolism as much as the next person. but I really needed it to be toned down somewhat in this.

It is said that directing yourself is one of the hardest things a director has to do. So it is weird that Braff chose to direct himself in his first film attempt, but somehow he pulled it off. I guess the fact that he wrote the characters and knew them so well helped, but usual critiquing yourself is what people struggle the most with. This was a bit of a stretch from his quirky often silly "Scrubs" character, and seeing him do this type of role was kind of a breath of fresh air. I love the show, but I am glad Braff chose not to typecast himself. Portman was great as the young woman who was not afraid to be herself, and showed that she really cared about her character. The rest of the cast did great, but to be honest I kind of had to wonder if they were actually high during the drug use scenes.

Watching this now as ten years have passed hasn't really aged this movie at all. There are movies that beat you over the head with technology of it's time, or brand names of it's time, or very notable things that help make you feel older having re-watched it. This movie did a good job at just being a movie and not a time stamp. If you re-watch it now, or even watch it for the first time I am sure you won't be disappointed.

Final Verdict: 4 out of 5 A couple of things hold this movie back from being as perfect as it can be, but it was very enjoyable and still is. If I hadn't known better I would have said Zach Braff had been doing this for years, but some moments in the film let you know that he is still a beginner.